Unfortunately-named advertising spokespeople are a dime a dozen, but there's a special place in our hearts for this obese bubblegum pitch-kid, whose rotund physique, rigid adherence to short pants, and ability to use bubblegum to solve any problem puts him head and shoulders above the rest. His name is PUD.

As mascot for Fleer's Dubble Bubble, Pud's massive lung capacity and pockets filled with square-wrapped Dubble Bubble enable him to turn almost any situation into product placement.

Here we see unsupervised children engaged in reckless, violent behavior rife with psycho-sexual imagery, from the blatant bondage theme to the upthrust "swords" of the pirates, to the rotund, pendulant tub that "Pud" rides towards a bubble-gum filled climax. Disturbing, to say the least!

I won't bore you with any Freudian analysis of "the cave", but instead want to point out that here we see Dubble Bubble's life-saving properties emerging. As we'll see this bubble gum is the solution to ALL life's problems.

Try this at home, kids! Sure! Blow a big Dubble Bubble bubble and then jump off the roof! You'll float away as light as a cloud! SURGEON GENERALS NOTE: BUBBLE GUM MAY NOT ENHANCE ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE. Also: "secret taste"? "Bubble gum" taste is a secret?

Sure! Everybody knows wild west bandits are frightened by loud noises. Gunfight at the OK Corral? All bubble gum. True story!

Gangs of teenage thugs can easily be dispersed with Dubble Bubble. Available in aerosol dispersant spray, 10 and 12 gauge shot, and M79 non-burning grenade form.

The same artist (the mysterious "Ray T.") illustrated similar ads for the famous White Cloverine Brand Salve, good for aches, pains, cuts, bruises, discolorations, contusions, broody hens, hoof in mouth disease, and Cupid's Catarrh.

Sold through the ingenious method of getting preteen kids to trudge door to door, putting friends and relatives on the spot, this RELIABLE company offered amazing premiums to industrious children. Guitars, watches, firearms, dolls, bicycles, a live pony, radios, flashlights-- A LIVE PONY? How many thousands of jars of salve would you have to sell to get a live pony? There aren't enough gullible or guilty relatives in the WORLD for that!

Tired of digging giant holes in your back yard? I bet your dad's tired of you digging those holes too. Makes it tough to mow the lawn. Why not sell greasy medicated salve to your easily maniuplated neighbors? Act Now Be First We Are Reliable!

Even in the far future, children can operate rocket ships and undergo painful depressurization but still need cash for dolls and telescopes. Outta my jet trail, mates! But inquiring minds want to know - can the premiums offered by White Cloverine Brand salve offer the same life-protecting powers as Dubble Bubble?

Okay so first off, let's just send guns through the mail to ten-year olds, what the hell. Secondly, what is this, "Bring Your Gun To The Zoo Day?" Thirdly, this is one damn smart gorilla who knows what a rifle is and that he should be scared of it. And last, it's a gorilla smart enough to recognize a gun, but NOT smart enough to see that it's a .22- you could shoot that thing at a gorilla all day long, it's only gonna make him grumpy.

I think the real deal here is that the gorilla was afraid they were going to start pestering him to buy White Cloverine Brand Salve. Come on, just one case, I'm trying to get a canoe. Come on!