Are you breathing normally? Do you have any respiratory illnesses that may preclude the sharp intake of breath? Well then this is NOT the comic for you!

It's GASP, the scary mystery comic book that asks you to believe that men will run in horror from ghosts that shoot flames from their fingertips! Actually that's not too hard to believe. I would personally run from that.

Our gaspingly terrifying tale begins with some on-the-job practical joking. And if you think this sort of thing went out with the 60s then you should come with me to work sometime, lemme tell ya. What does that say,"story by Tequila?" Suddenly everything makes a lot more sense.

America's unions, once the bulwark of the workingman, have now been reduced to protecting blustery pranksters. Pranksters who won't even let DEATH stop them from joy-buzzing Old Man Everson! This is a man who takes his practical joking way too seriously.

Does the opening of a new railroad spur REALLY warrant speeches from a flag-bedecked platform? Luckily, a horrific accident provides humorous diversion for the undoubtedly bored-out-of-their-minds crowd.

PRO TIP: Save money on funeral homes and ministers - simply double up on funeral services! So what if the departed hated each other? They won't notice! OR WILL THEY...?

This is something new in the annals of ghostology - ghosts need to use doorknobs, and like to swing from chandeliers. I'm not seeing "ghost" so much as "chimp on the loose." Also: this guy's name is "Renaldo Tohee". Seriously? That's the name you're going with? "John Smith" too boring for you, comic?

"Renaldo Tohee". Okay then.

Ripping paper out of typewriters! Shoving women down! Shouting "Yeee-ah-ha-ha"! This isn't so much a haunting as it is a particularly difficult day in any 8th grade typing class.

Melting into company safes, killing security guards with FSSSST - this just ain't normal. We are dealing with some seriously messed up ghosts here. But who could this ghost be and what does he want?

Obviously the ghost is that of dead foreman Morse, his vicious prankster spirit reaching forth from beyond the grave to make the lives of everyone he knew a living hell. I'd say it's definitely time for some scientific ghost breaking!

Ghosts release magnetic force fields? Hey you learn something new every day!

That is one scientific ghost breaker who won't be getting his scientific ghost breaking fee. Which is $49.95. He'll break any ghost for only $49.95.

Whups! Turned out the ghost wasn't Morse after all, but it was old man Everson, who it turns out was a secret hater (the worst kind) who probably deserved all those pranks that Morse socked him with! AND HOLD ON A MINUTE FOLKS - the ghost of Morse has JUST ENTERED THE RING! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! WHAT WILL HE DO?

"I may have been a practical-joking asshole, but I'm no MURDERER, like SOME OTHER ghosts I could mention."

And here's what you paid money to see, folks, GHOSTS BEATING EACH OTHER UP. With their fists and stuff. This is a strange new definition of 'ghost' that I was previously unaware of.

But with a three panel wrapup of mystic powers the ghost menace vanishes. You're safe now, for ever! That will be $49.95, please - PER GHOST. Electronic ghost-breaking magnetic machines don't grow on trees, you know!