What's that girl? Timmy's trapped in a well? No? Well then what do you want? Oh, your 6 point budgetary action plan can stop the nation's continuing fiscal disaster? That's a good girl!

Yes, it's that beautiful star of TV and film, Lassie, who was of course always portrayed by a male dog because the bitches ain't got the nice coats. But this is a comic book, so Lassie can be anything you want her to be! Including biologically female!

Yes, Lassie is on vacation with her two friends, one of whom is named Rocky and the other is, er... well, it doesn't matter what these two morons are named, this is Lassie's comic, and these two are just along for the ride. What excitement is in store for Lassie and her two stupid friends?? And is "The Sea Devil" the title of the story, or Lassie's nickname? Let's find out!

Yes, Rocky, "our" old friend. You can tell how thrilled he is to see you, by the way he immediately went up and started hugging and talking to Lassie.

Also, it seems Lassie's other friend is Gerry, who, in keeping with Lassie tradition, is being played by a performer of the opposite sex, no doubt because of her magnificent plumage. In any case, it doesn't matter, because even "Buff" knows this comic is all about Lassie.

Normal dog owners would be all like "Lassie's scratching in the sand! Guess she's about to 'go'." But these aren't normal dog owners... they're Lassie's dumb friends, and while they were jibber-jabbering, Lassie's unearthed some treasure! Man, she's smart! She's as smart as her friends are dumb. Which is very.

Yeah, no shit Lassie's coming along too. She's the only one who's found anything to even justify this treasure hunt, and she wasn't even trying! The rest of you dumbasses would probably get the bends and die if Lassie wasn't in the diving bell with you.

For a second there it looked like Rocky was going to know more about something (manta rays, aka "sea devils") than Lassie, but of course that didn't last long. We can see whose side Buff is on. It's a good thing Lassie spotted that manta ray because her dipshit companions sure didn't.

Don't worry guys. Lassie's your navigator now. She's got this.

Martians? Lassie is giving you life-saving information and you're talking about Martians? Man you people are dumb. When will you learn to listen to the dog?? THE DOG KNOWS THINGS.

Naturally, with no Lassie to guide them, Buff and Rocky immediately piss off the sea devil, which of course chases them back to their boat, because Lassie is on the boat, and Lassie knows how to fix things.

Just bark at the damn thing, you idiots. That's how you get rid of angry, wounded manta rays. It's OK, Lassie's taken care of it.

Gerry could've just left out the rest of her explanation and gotten right to "Lassie saved us". But let's face it, that's pretty much all she ever says, because that's pretty much all that ever happens.

After saving their worthless hides, Lassie finds the rest of the treasure they're hunting for, because she is just that awesome, and her friends are just that useless.

Overjoyed with his genius friend, Buff starts making out with Lassie.

Just kidding, that'd be gross and totally wrong, breaking the laws of both God and man. No way Lassie would make out with a dumb animal like Buff.

In her next adventure, Lassie goes to the Andes, where she leads her empty-headed pals to a crop of puta... er, puya. Puta is where she leads Buff when he gets a little too eager to show his gratitude. KR-WUFF!

Lassie goes for a walk, picks up an emerald in her paw. What do the rest of these losers pick up when they're in the Andes, besides lyme disease?

We're running short on time, so here's more scenes of Lassie helping her idiot human friends, who literally wouldn't have the sense to come in out of the rain if not for Lassie.

Let's hear it for Lassie! Smartest guy in the room, and she's a dog!! Bow down to your gold-and-white mistress, lowly humans!