TOKA! Jungle King! Mystery monarch of the trackless, steaming forests! Kind of like Tarzan, but not so much that we'd get sued! TOKA!

Uh oh, looks like Toka faces the three deadly choices, one of which is death! Hard to get deadlier than "death", but slavery and civilization are going to take a shot at it.

And here's Toka sitting on his Jungle Throne. As usual the women are fighting over Toka, whose rugged good looks and sexy biting-fangs loincloth make him the most desireable man in the kingdom. Also the ONLY man in the kingdom, apparently.

Meanwhile in the big city, Vikki Terrell returns from Europe where she climbed mountains, raced sportscars, fought sharks, and romanced men! Still working on that whole "sitting in chairs" thing, though.

Hey Vikki, why not go down to the Amazon and roam around the jungle with those Amazon women that are down there? Because they totally exist! And there's a 400 year old jungle king you can go on jungle dates with! Yes, it's a South American vacation for Vikki Terrell.

Meanwhile in the jungles of the Amazon, Toka is in conference with Balsa Cusco, his wise mentor. Beware of the beautiful ladies, says Balsa Cusco! They will distract you from your important jungle king duties! But it's too late, a sexy intruder has already invaded the sanctity of the jungle.

Vikki Terrell, Jungle Exhibitionist, plans her next move!

Yes, even in the fetid swamps of the South American rainforest, women share a deep interest in beauty products. The bloodlust of the fiercest Amazon warrior is no match for lipstick and perfume, because dames is all alike! Right fellas?

One of the lesser known problems of the beauty industry: death threats from unsatisfied customers.

Vikki Terrell's karate training comes in handy when forcing modern beauty products onto uncivilized tribespeople!

And just like that, Vikki is now the new Queen Of The Amazons. This used to be how they chose Popes, but they were getting too many hip fractures.

Spying on the whole thing- not that Toka spends an inordinate amount of time watching the fit, sweaty bodies of the Amazons wrestle each other for domination, he just happened to be passing by - Toka finds the new queen very beautiful.

Yes, Vikki is the new Queen Of The Amazons. Luckily she packed her green fishscale swimsuit. Be prepared, that's her motto!

Oh no, Toka is becoming entranced by the dazzling teeth and limpid eyes of the beautiful Queen Of The Amazons - and he's loving every minute of it. Get lost, Balsa Cusco!

And according to custom the Amazon Queen must choose an Amazon King who is tested in combat by fighting an Amazon Warrior. Personally I thought the whole point of Amazons was that there weren't any men around whatsoever, but I guess we learn new things about Amazons every day.

Oh Toka, this is no time for those childhood prohibitions against hitting girls! Look out for that caveman club, Toka! Ouch!

Luckily the stunning blow of the club merely "knocks some of the foolishness" out of Toka's skull. I guess that's one way to describe a concussion. Anyways, he throws the Amazon in the pool, and then the snooty rich guy falls in, and then the butler jumps in, and the crazy 80s teen comedy party begins!

Satisfied with her new king arrangements, Vikki takes time out from ruling the Amazons to go crocodile hunting. Since the damn things can get up to 20 feet long, this probably is a really stupid idea, and it's up to Toka, Jungle King, to sigh and get on in that water with the crocodile. I mean, he's Jungle King, that's what Jungle Kings do, they fight crocodiles.

Toka's rescued Vikki from the crocodile, and I don't know what it's like where you come from, but in the Amazon that means only one thing - wedding bells! You can see by the look on Toka's face how excited and happy about this he is. Time to run all this past Balsa Cusco!

Not only does Balsa Cusco say this is a bad idea, but GOD HIMSELF blasts Toka with a lightning bolt. TAKE A HINT, TOKA.

Back in the Amazon village, pre-domestic bliss is shattered by Their First Spat. You bend a lady's best rifle and you better believe there's going to be some fightin'!

Using his ultimate woman-defeating move of Throwing Them In The River, Toka has deposed the Queen Of The Amazons. Forget bloodlines, intermarriage, royal dynasties, or Papal appointments, here in the Amazon monarchial rule is determined by judo throws and river dunkings.

Look Toka, you can break up with somebody without having to invoke the Almighty Sun God, okay?

And now Toka must face the competitive wrath of the rest of the Amazons as they threaten themselves, each other, and Toka for the right to be Amazon Queen! Fighting, yelling, clubbing, hollering, hitting, talking - this is driving Toka crazy! Toka cannot take this any more!

You tell 'em, Toka. Sometimes we all feel this way! Right fellas? Huh? And then there's the shopping! Am I right?

Inti the Sun God intervenes again and sends Vikki's jet screaming low to the ground, giving Toka an excuse to get the hell out of this situation - er, I mean, a sign to tell the Amazons to choose their own queen. Also I think the wing of Vikki's jet sliced Toka's head off here, it's hard to tell in that drawing, but that's some perilously low flying there Vikki. Might want to watch that.

And now peace returns to the jungle as the Amazons go back to fighting amongst themselves, in the mud, their rude garments tearing and ripping as the tanned flesh of the fierce women is exposed to the gaze of Toka, who just happened to be passing by. Looks like things are finally back to normal.