They say the love of a baby is unconditional, and they're probably right. Babies are filled with love for the whole world and everything in it and everything they do in it, including pooping. Especially pooping. What ISN'T unconditional is the love that the heroine of our story today has for the man in her life, which changes with abrupt suddeness whenever... well, why waste time? Here it is.

When your fiance shows up with a baby, don't let him explain! God forbid you should let him tell the no-doubt crazy story of how he wound up at a train station with an infant. I mean, it's likely to be pretty wild. But no, just point your blank eyes in his general direction and tell him that the mere presence of infants means WE'RE THROUGH. That's it!

And her resolve lasts all of five seconds before he gives out with the bare minimum of details. "A woman handed him to me!" But that's enough for Formerly We're Through Lady here, who just changed her mind and is now all Kiss Me You Fool!

Nothing like that first post-kiss cigarette, dropping ash and smoke all over the stranger baby. Remember to tell the police about the abandoned baby within a half hour or so. No rush. Meanwhile, On/Off Girlfriend is straight up admitting she's been generally stalking the hell out of his whole family, who would probably tell her if he got married to somebody else, don't you think?

Wait, you quit your job? WE'RE THROUGH AGAIN! I never want to see you or this train station or that foundling baby ever again, for at least five or ten minutes!

HOLD ON THERE LADY, you're a woman, and you're in proximity to an abandoned baby, so YOU ARE HEREBY DRAFTED into not only taking care of this abandoned baby, but you're ordered to take that baby into your own home and take care of it until we call you. By order of police, no less! This is that police nanny state they're always warning us about, in action!

And Gene walks in the door with a bag full of baby stuff, and suddenly Marian feels it right smack dab in the middle of her ovaries and it's LOVE all over again. I don't want to say carrying around a bag of formula and Pampers is some kind of seduction tactic, but it seems to be working for Gene here.

But even as Gene's kisses thrill Marian, that nagging bit of worry about his employment status still festers, still percolates up through the baby-fog and out into the open air. I wonder what her reaction will be to this bit of seemingly innocent employment news?

WHAT DO YOU WANT LADY? He's single, employed, back in town, he knows how to hold a baby, and he knows where all the 24-hour diaper stores are! WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT? And this is the last whiplash reversal for Gene, who's finally showing a spine and giving Little Miss Can't Make Up Her Mind a piece of HIS mind.

Well, if there's anything the ladies love more than a sack full of baby stuff, it's a forceful man unafraid to walk out that door, so you better grab him, but fast!

And with a final intimate reveal of his actual employment status and future prospects for advancement, Marian's last doubts vanish. No doubt marital bliss awaits this happy couple, for five or ten minutes at least!

Oh yeah the baby's mother eventually showed up and took the baby away. The end. The moral of this story is that if you're in a train station and someone says "hey, hold my baby for a minute," just RUN LIKE HELL.