0. Stupid Comics

As we all know, comic books are trash literature for juveniles, barely-literate degenerates, and the congenitally mentally challenged. But as works produced in a specific time and place, we can, through analysis and context, bring forth understanding and insight, much as a beautiful flower may blossom from the most unpleasant garbage pile. And now here's Super Duck.

You can get a basic grasp of what relations were like between the sexes with this little domestic vignette between the aforementioned Super Duck and his on-again, off-again duck girlfriend Uwanna. Supe is merely responding to his innate duck biological urges by admiring a cheesecake photo of a human woman, and Uwanna, feeling her priority as Super Duck's primary mate challenged, responds with violence.

Super Duck, always resourceful, finds solace and comfort from his photographic lover - or rather, from the butcher she's advertising, showing us not only homespun first aid for bruises, but the power inherent in giveaway promotional items.

Here Uwanna exerts yet another form of control over Super Duck, controlling his very diet. What's a duck to do? Why, he's going to find a tailor that will work to exact specifications. Lederhosen for a duck? Certainly, sir!

With the mere purchase of a new pair of pants, Super Duck gets the meal he feels he deserves. Sure, he could have taken the money he spent on custom lederhosen and gone to a restaurant, but the main thing here is winning another battle in his never-ending war with the female sex, namely Uwanna.

And now a word from our sponsor.

The 1950s were a wild and crazy time when beatniks roamed North Beach, Elvis and Johnny Cash and Carl Perkins did lots of uppers, and live animals were shipped at random through the US Mail by desperate photographic studios. Will YOU help this tiny dog get home? PLEASE give this minature monkey-in-a-teacup a loving family! What's WRONG with you?

Here we see what your home could be like, filled with tiny dogs in teacups, in coffee cans, and on TV murmuring "FREE, FREE," as you relax in front of your TV wondering where the hell all these animals came from. Oh yeah, the mailman.

Somebody explain why exactly Uwanna keeps going out with Super Duck. I mean, he's obviously terrible; so terrible that she has to put literal blinders on him to keep Super Duck's eyeballs from popping out at seeing all the (non-duck) bathing beauties on display.

Somebody also explain a world where talking ducks ride horses, that's a thing funny animal comics do that never makes sense, the arbitrary nature of animal personhood.

We'll be right back after another word from our sponsor.

Hey kids! Want to have "fun?" Take a cardboard box, cut a hole in it, cover the hole with SCOTCH brand cellophane tape, cut some comic strips out of the newspaper, roll them across the tape-covered box hole while pretending you're watching TV, and then hurl it against the wall, stomp it flat, and throw the biggest tantrum you ever threw in your entire life until your folks break down and buy the family a real TV.

So you may be thinking "Gee, that Super Duck sure has it tough. I bet he doesn't deserve half of the abuse Uwanna dishes out." Well, you might be right. Here we see Supe is suffering from psychological problems so severe they're causing vison loss... except when the ladies come by.

And here Super Duck impersonates a medical doctor and attempts to sexually assault an unsuspecting victim, and also, here is where we realize Super Duck deserves every bit of abuse he gets, and more besides.

Super Duck's gonna be fine, he can just go home and order some more steak while ogling his calendar. And then the story will break on TMZ and suddenly he's one more creepy former celebrity kicked to the curb by the #metoo movement.

But first, a pause for this message from our sponsor.

Those primitive peasants thought they could escape our Arch-Gard sneakers, guarding all 3 vital points as we ransack ancient cultural landmarks! But they couldn't escape the forces of colonialism, represented here by Red and Archy. Do YOU wear "Ball-Bands?" I bet that smarts!

And now back to Super Duck, which surely is going to abandon its leering and abusive nature for a more friendly, kind-hearted funny animal comedy, right?


It's interesting to see how urban legends change over time. First it was TV cowboys coaxing the youngsters to stay up late watching westerns. Then Soupy Sales told America's children to mail him Daddy's cash. In the 70s and 80s everybody knew about Satanic backward masking in your favorite heavy metal tunes. In the 90s it was crucial to NOT flash your headlights at other cars driving without lights, because that other car was full of violent gang members looking to murder someone as part of a gang initiation. And now it's YouTube videos of Japanese special effects creatures challenging your sons and daughters to a suicide game!

Also: Henry Boltinoff is great.

And we'll close with one more example of how Times Have Changed with an example of a comic book title that probably wouldn't fly these days.

Look at the size of it! Just look!

Hey gang, thanks for reading Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics! If you enjoyed it and want to show your appreciation, why not hit that PayPal button on our home page? Or turn off your ad blocker so's our advertisers know you're out there? And remember to visit our YouTube channel, our Facebook group and our Instagram? Why don't you.