Tired of superheroes with clearly defined abilities and missions that make any sort of sense? Looking for some "whatevers" to go along with your Secret Wars and Infinite Earth Crisises? Well, you're in luck, because the 1940s were definitely not the age of the rational comic book story.
Buckle up for another exciting adventure of The Wizard With Roy the Super-Boy, two adventure characters of indeterminate age and ability. Or we could just go away, like the comic is telling us to do. Maybe the comic knows what's best for us.
Good grief, Blane! Inside this closet look! See something amazing you will!
One question, is his name pronounced "Blaine" or "Blané?"
See here old man whose home we barged into, explain why there's a literal skeleton in your closet, and do so in the most discursive manner possible! And include a pirate!
"The next day his body was found, head completely decapitated, which is a thing that happens that involves the head, but not TO the head, if you follow my meaning, so I guess that was a poor choice of words. Anyway the ghost cut his head off, and the very next day somebody from the Comics Code showed up and told us to tone it down."
EDITORS NOTE: It's impossible to read these captions without thinking of Gene Hackman in "Unforgiven" and how he derisively referred to Richard Harris' character as "The Duck Of Death."
And then there was Lous Effrat, whom everyone thought was digging for treasure, but really he was a-workin' on the rail road, all the live long day.
I think anyone that plunges desperately into an alligator infested swamp is looking to get "swallered by a gator" as they say in those parts, so who's to say how horrible this is, really?
Proof there isn't a damn thing in the world some cat won't move heaven and earth to knock over.
It's time for The Wizard and the Super-Boy to make an appearance! Super Boy will show off his muscular thighs and his tight shorts, while the Wizard will just start kicking holes in walls at random. Look man, if you're gonna do this, at least mumble some nonsense about this "not being up to code" and "it'll all have to come down" and then use whatever undetermined super hero powers you have to rebuild it into a bed and breakfast that will become the linchpin of a revived local economy, you jackass.
Roy The Super Shorts Boy has a "queer premonition," right along with the readers, as subtext magically becomes just plain text.
Wait a minute, the creepy old caretaker is gibbering wildly and the pirate painting is coming to life? This is going full-on Scooby-Doo!
Okay, don't remember a lot of stabbings on Scooby-Doo, except for that episode where Sandy Duncan was the special guest and she tried to cut Fred with that straight razor.
"I heard scuffling," says The Wizard. You heard a bloodthirsty pirate hollering I'LL CUT YOUR HEART OUT is what you heard! Get your ears checked, Wizard.
It takes the super-brain of The Wizard to figure out that people use doorways and corridors. Keep it up Wizard!
Well, Jane is plunging to her death in a pit of alligators. If only they'd not forced their way into this murder death house!
Look, I know what you're thinking, but alligators didn't offically become an endangered species until 1973. So rip away, Wizard!
Ghost Pirate here has a sword and a pistol, and it's 1941 so he could probably have automatic pistols and a tommy gun if he was wasn't so committed to the pirate schtick, but no, he had to depend on his alligator pit. He only has himself to blame for his failure.
Roy the Super-Boy does a nice swan dive into the pirate's midsection. I'd say this one gets at least a 9.2
Crush his skull with this rock? You have a sword! You used it already! Also a pistol!
The mighty fist of Roy makes short work of the pirate. The Wizard jumps down into the well to check, but the drawing is more like a upward flying pose, and now I'm confused.
Congratulations Roy, you're a murderer. Well, okay, maybe you can get off with simple manslaughter, maybe you can claim self-defense and walk. You were chasing the guy, though. I guess it's up to the judge to determine exactly how ruined your young life will be.
HYA WIZARD WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE? WE'LL SOON FIND OUT, ROY, WHY ARE WE YELLING? I DON'T KNOW, WIZARD! HYA!
Hey, it's a treasure of gold coins! Okay, so they were minted recently, but so what? It's still a CHEST full of GOLD!
Gosh Blane, where is that mystery man The Wizard, who sports your exact body type and mustache? Gosh I wonder where he went. Anyway, glad to find out the pirate was actually the son of the houses owner, who killed his dad and then concocted an elaborate and expensive ghost pirate story of treasure and revenge, building secret passages and false pictures and alligator pits and trap doors, all to scare people away so that he could continue and search for his father's hidden cash. Next time, fire your housekeeper, put up a "keep out" sign and don't answer the door, maybe that might be an easier way to handle this sort of thing.
And their hired man Moe got so scared he locked himself in the car trunk, back when they were called "rumble seats." Hey, if you enjoyed this story I bet you've been waiting for "The Hangman" to come and put you out of your misery. I know we have!
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