The customs and mores of vanished civilizations come alive through their written legends and records. Intrepid explorers, diligent researchers, and brilliant thinkers have all searched the ends of the Earth to uncover the mysteries of those who have gone before us. No challenge is too great, no excavation too daunting, no distance is too far to discover how we used to live and think. Sometimes the extremes of human attitudes can only be uncovered by extreme measures, and sometimes with the mere purchase of a beat-up old comic book.

Today we live in a world where gender is fluid, people are fighting for their rights to define themselves, and legal, physical, and psychological challenges to these changes are everywhere. So let's cast our mind back to a different time when a dress, a wig, and some foundation makeup was all it took to make Jimmy Olsen into the sweetheart of the Daily Planet newsroom!

Think, Jimmy. Just how extravagant is Peters going to be with salaries? He can't even afford a cab, let alone his own car! He's riding the BUS Jimmy.

Every major city needs a prison-based fine dining establishment, where everything is the way you'd expect it to be in jail. Hope you're enjoying your pruno cocktail, Jimmy, which - as per their restaurant's code of authenticity, is prepared in an actual prison toilet!

Back before debit and credit cards, before ATMs and 24 hour banking, we were expected to just carry as much cash with us as we thought we might need. Lucy simply hauling hundreds of dollars out of her purse is evidence of levels of self-control and willpower that seem almost inhuman to our modern eyes! It's also evidence of the last shreds of Jimmy's already tenuous masculinity vanishing into the breeze.

Time to fight back Jimmy! Be a manly man and make that mid-century male chauvinist entitlement work for you! Now, straighten your brawny, masculine (checks notes) bow tie.

Meanwhile, Pipe Guy there can barely disguise his Jimmy contempt.

Don't bother Perry White, he's busy preventing fires, promoting traffic safety, and fundraising for little league baseball. Oh yeah, and editing a great metropolitan newspaper, sometimes. And no, he won't give you a raise! Those little leaguers need the money more than you do!

Earthquakes, meteors, aliens, floods, dictators, invasions, monsters, fires, gangsters, bank robberies, making sure Jimmy isn't hurt too much. Which of Superman's tasks would YOU rank as most important? Record your answer... NOW

Too late Jimmy, the Globe hired another reporter - a GIRL reporter. Who is actually a woman, but it's 1962, they're all "girls." And the only other jobs available right now call for "girls" also! This is reverse discrimination before we even knew what reverse discrimination was! And thus do comic books boldly predict our future.

Also, now I want a bunch of issues of "Judy Jenkins Girl Reporter" to have happened in 1963.

Well, if they're only hiring women, then a woman is what Jimmy will be, since apparently he is ready at all times to assume woman form, right down to a preferred brand of lipstick.

So. Don't wanna judge, but does he do this often? Does he have a drag name? What would that drag name be?

Of course. Leslie Lowe! THAT'S the drag name. If it's good enough for Supremes Night down at the club, it's good enough to get him... her... THEM hired at the Daily Planet without references or even a typing test!

And your first job as a reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper will be to bring Perry White coffee every morning. Welcome to second-class citizenship, Jimmy! If you show aptitude, maybe you'll move up to some of those pointless stories they're always giving Lois!

Let this be a lesson to everyone who wants to get or keep a job - hot coffee is good, pulling boo-boos is bad. Pulling boo-boos that result in hot coffee, however - also good.

"Boo-boo." That's how tough newspaper editors talk, you know

Twisted by hate, Jimmy Olsen is willing to risk the dreams of countless little leaguers! Wait a minute Jimmy, you've got $500 in the bank? So why were you acting all broke-ass in the first place?

Darn it, Superman, let Jimmy/Leslie "make it rain!" I bet you're a real downer at the strip club.

As noted, it's time for real hard-hitting investigative journalism as Lois basically becomes a publicity writer for real estate developers. This is intern work, Perry. Of course, the girls (?) both get a free lunch out of the deal, so it's not all bad.

Metropolis - teeming with red-headed temptresses on the make! Ladies, watch your husbands! There might not be a handy bowl of salad around, so be creative. And who among us hasn't taken a bubble bath in random trade show exhibits? Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!

I find this borderline sexual harassment by Perry White almost as fascinating as I do the fact that Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane are the same dress size.

Jimmy! When will you realize that women get away with EVERYTHING? Just bat those eyelashes and you can even call Perry White "Chief!"

Suddenly the volcano inside the steaming Jimmy - which sounds like a sandwich, I'll have a Steaming Jimmy on rye, thanks - that volcano erupts! Jimmy whips off that wig like Ed Wood in "Glen Or Glenda", but it turns out everybody knew it was Jimmy all along.

I'll say this, Jimmy is going back into work every day surrounded by co-workers who saw him resort to transvestism in a desperate attempt to get his job back. That right there takes guts. But all isn't well in Jimmy-land when Lucy spots what looks like the remains of a romantic assignation in the front seat of Jimmy's car! She didn't know about this? Everybody else did! I find it hard to believe Lois didn't call her right away. "Hey Lucy! Guess what that idiot boyfriend of yours is up to NOW...!"

"Gosh, Lucy never gave me a chance to tell her I have everything I need to convincingly pass as a woman!" Maybe you should keep that information to yourself, Jimmy. Anyway, at least you learned something new about yourself during your female adventure, something about having a freeing, enjoyable experience that you might not have allowed yourself before. And also, that you like bubble baths.

Just a reminder that the comedy stylings of Superman's Transvestite Pal Jimmy Olsen were shipping four hundred and seventy thousand copies back in the day. It's obvious this is a sales winner - get with it, comic books! Everybody swap clothes!

And judging by the discount price on this comic, it looks as if the crazy grandma who sets prices for the Crazy Grandma Comic Book Price Guide has retired, or in therapy, because this exact comic book was recently sold for five bucks, marked down from a cool $110.00. And that's a win for everybody, whether they wear skirts or trousers or both!

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