Where would comic books be without super heroes? Where would we be without those intrepid champions of justice who put on colorful swimwear and beat law into the lawless? Well, perhaps people who look like criminals but who aren't criminals might enjoy their daily lives without costumed vigilantes executing citizens' arrests on them all the time... as we'll see in this week's episode of The Adventures Of Stupid Comics!
Yes, Wonder Woman herself is making the headlines as several real-sounding newspapers - and the Daily Express - all report her super-heroic career is all over! Look, I didn't think WW84 was THAT bad. But if she's not able to figure out the guys shooting at her might be bad dudes, we might have to agree with these tabloids. Hang up your golden lasso, lady.
Here's a tip for budding criminals - rent the absolute largest plane you can find for your getaway. You'll want to paw through your loot in comfort!
But even the finest, most luxurious airplane is subject to sudden propeller loss due to golden lasso tangles. So look out for those.
Well, maybe you're going to jail. But look on the bright side - your eyesight must be amazing to distinguish police from this far up!
Let me just come right out and say it, Wonder Woman SUCKS
No matter where Steve Trevor and Wonder Woman go, there's a criminal sticking up a restaurant ("gimme all your tips!") or planning on stealing an entire river, or something. How crime-ridden is this city anyway? Have the police all vanished? Or are lonely criminals just showing up in town so they can get manhandled by Wonder Woman?
Here we're up against that whole master criminal thing where the crooks might not have thought about how much it costs to, say, design and build a tiny submarine. Maybe just have a business selling tiny submarines instead of trying to drown Wonder Woman?
Whichever way Wonder Woman points your getaway vehicle, it'll be towards the police, you can bet on it. Whom again, are described, but unseen. I'm beginning to sense a pattern.
Look, is there some sort of law against wandering out of the bank holding guns? Maybe it's the whistling, and this town has one of those weird "no whistling on Tuesdays" laws?
okay, we've seen airplanes and mini-submarines. What amazing plan do THESE bank robbers have to escape justice?
Their brilliant scheme is basically "not actually being criminals." Curse those clever rogues!
Again Wonder Woman is apprehending innocent people instead of the REAL criminals. Maybe track down who's supplying the underworld with those giant loot-carrying valises!
Now Wonder Woman begins to doubt her own senses! She just let those crooks get away without doing anything. Why, it's almost as if Wonder Woman is a private citizen who honestly shouldn't be expected to tackle armed criminals all day long, every day, forever, without a pension or a healthcare plan or overtime. What a disappointment you've turned out to be, lady who stood there like all the rest of us did!
This Daily Express headline really takes me back to a time when it meant "Wonder Woman Is Confused" and not "Online Retailer Security Algorithm Makes Tragic Error."
Think, Wonder Woman, think! What really is the difference between spectators and criminals? Don't we all hold the potential for good or evil? Does society itself not prepare the crimes that the criminal merely commits?
Throughout the night Wonder Woman and Paula work to perfect the perfect blend of CBD and THC oils to, of course, create the ultimate "high." But here she is wandering the streets ready to assault innocent people again! You'd better not try it, Wonder Woman, or you'll be arrested by the police we assume exist in this city. Haven't seen any yet, though. Maybe Wonder Woman can do whatever she wants. Maybe we all can.
I have terrible news for everyone, it looks like this crime wave is being masterminded by a turned-to-evil Dick Tracy. We're doomed!
No vehicle can escape the grasp of Wonder Woman - she'll just toss it into what appears to be an electronic dance music festival until the occupants surrender.
Fellas, how many times has this happened to you? Just stalking a beautiful woman, as you do, but it turns out you've been stalking her robot double all along!
Our goateed antagonist here is so disgusted at his failure that he just smashes his mirage machine on the ground. You know, his invention that would revolutionize the entertainment industry and generate more profit that all the bank robberies in the world? That invention? Again, maybe these evil geniuses should run some numbers before embarking on crime sprees.
YOU fashioned a dummy Wonder Woman? This is Amazon Scientist Paula erasure, plain and simple!
Well, I guess you're correct, Wonder Woman, in that a robot double is, in a certain sense, a mirage.
Also, who are you talking to? Maybe the police finally showed up.
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