Gang, summer will be here before you know it, and summer time is Road Trip time! So gas up, check your tires, pack up the car and head down one of those famous road trip highways, like the Blue Ridge Parkway, or Route 66, or maybe the Pacific Coast Highway, or perhaps the Outer Banks. Or you could heed the advice of a tourist department giveaway comic book and head to a land filled with treasure, wonders, and kid-friendly pirates!

I always assumed a "bluenose" was one of those cranky anti-fun types always trying to ban drinking, dance music or Playboy Magazine. Imagine my shock to discover apparently they have their own country! Let's bend that telescope a little further and find out just what's so special about the South Shore of Nova Scotia.

Halifax! A city on the go! Filled with tourists like the Johnsons, who have already visited the Citadel and the Waterfront and the Public Gardens and are now about to barge into the Halifax Tourist Bureau and holler "what else ya got?"

Jaws clenched rictus-tight, Bill, Betty, Barbara and Bobby demand information on the "Lighthouse Route." Here's the deal. Keep the water on your left and you'll be OK. If you can manage that you'll be a Master Mariner in no time!

Remember! Only GENUINE pirates holler AVAST YA SWABS while breaking into children's motel rooms to announce their upcoming tour guiding. Don't be fooled by imitations!

Definitely getting some stranger danger vibes from this "your folks won't even know I'm here!" Captain Jack Sparrow cosplayer trespassing into the rooms of sleeping children to inform them of his upcoming stalking.

When Cap'n Bluenose said he'd find them no matter where they went, he wasn't kidding!

Peggy's Cove! A wonderful place to take pictureseque pictures of artists drawing themselves into their own comic books. Did you know there's a replica Peggy's Cove built as a resort in Thailand? You do now. Do you know *why* they built a replica Peggy's Cove? Neither do I.

Avast, ya land blubbers! Hurry up and get ya whaling done with! This whole industry's due for a-skupperin' and we all be settin' sail for the poorhouse!

Sure, you can just borrow somebody's yacht for the afternoon. Yacht owners love to hand over the till to any vanload of tourists that comes along. Sailing is easy - just run those sheets up and stand as still as you can in the middle of the deck, that's all there is to it.

Oh yeah, there's definitely a treasure on Oak Island! A treasure in selling this bogus treasure story to generations of suckers.

"Well, let's see what we got here in this fisheries museum. That's a fish hook. That's another fish hook. That's a net. Here's a lobster trap. Oh, here's another net. This right here - this is a fish hook. Exciting, eh kids?"

And at last we learn the true story of "Bluenose", the undefeated champion of the North Atlantic fishing fleet, who defeated every other schooner in a series of bloody schooner prize fights that horrified onlookers and left no schooner undamaged. Seriously though, the Bluenose took the Fishermen's Trophy for 17 straight years against all comers, becoming a national icon. Don't believe me? Check out those dimes, Canadians!

For Dad - a Master Mariner's Certificate! For Mom - you get to be First Mate! We don't care who did the driving, we are absolutely reinforcing gender roles here on the South Shore. As for your stamps, I can't tell if the Windjammer in Nova Scotia is still there, but the one in Moncton is supposed to be pretty good.

"Hey Dad, you got that fishing license, right? Because there's a man here from something called the "Department Of Fisheries And Oceans" that wants to know."

Yes mid-1960s kids, we're going to Liverpool! (children shrieking) No, not the one you're thinking of, the other one. (children booing)

Remember parents, at some point you're going to have to teach your children about the dangers of hypothermia, and the sooner the better. Today's as good a day as any!

Who are the children talking to? Well you see, as the core temperature of the human body begins to drop, confusion and hallucinations are common. What I'm trying to say is that water is COLD

Stealing a family's tent? Well he IS a pirate! Gang, I looked it up, the Islands Provincial Park in Shelburne is still there, and you can still camp there and now there's wi-fi, so you can tell social media about the pirate that stole your tent.

You'll be issued bibs and melted butter when you cross the border from New Brunswick and you'd better be ready to start crackin' claws at any moment. When we say it's a "must" we aren't kidding!

Visit the Barrington Woolen Mill, where the excitement of spinning wool into yarn and cloth will make an hour seem to last seventy-eight years!

"Hey Dad, here comes that guy again looking for that license!"

Finally the reward at the end of the adventure, a piece of paper with Cap'n Bluenose's picture on it. Which, if you have this comic book, is something you already own. Wheeeeeeee

let's see... take the ferry to Maine? No way! Kentville, here we come!! If you're curious as to why this part of NS is called "The Land Of Evangeline," look up the "Great Expulsion Of 1755." It was a literal crime against humanity! Now keep smiling, Cap'n Bluenose. Just keep smiling.

We're happy you chose the Lighthouse Route along Nova Scotia's scenic South Shore. Of course, this route is the ONLY route along Nova Scotia's South Shore, so it's not like you had any other options. But we're happy anyway. Now slap on that bib, it's lobster time!

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